I Rescued My Son From The Streets

How being a member of MAP helped educate me

This is a guest post by one of our amazing moms!

My son Mark (name changed to protect his identity) had a Substance Use Disorder (SUD).  He went away to college in Colorado and stayed there after he graduated.  We lived in Los Angeles and visited when we could. It became evident that he was dabbling in illicit drugs about 12 years ago.

During one of Mark’s visits, I noticed he had been in the shower for a long time. I knocked several times and got no answer. Finally, I slowly opened the door and saw my son passed out on the floor. I tried to wake him several times by screaming his name and finally succeeded.  This was the first time we had to face the fact that our son was struggling with SUD. After a long discussion, he begged to have the opportunity to handle his issues on his own and told us that if he were unsuccessful, he would ask for our help. And off he went back to his life in Colorado and continued using opioids. What started as experimenting with heroin turned into habitual use.

At this time I took a training from CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training).  They teach techniques based on evidence and science to help parents help their loved ones with SUD.

Going forward whenever we saw our son, we knew he was still using opioids but not willing to change.

One Mother’s Day, Mark and I went out to dinner.  He spent much of his time in the bathroom while I waited nervously at the table.  I was always too scared to say anything. There would be many more experiences like this before I found the help that I needed. 

My son is a talented musician. He’s in several bands; he writes music, plays guitar, sings, and performs. He has performed all over the world to many audiences. He has always lived on the edge and doesn’t care much about materialistic things.

He is also an empath and has been since he was little.

He worked at a speakeasy for 19 years as a talent buyer, lighting guy, and bartending. He loved that job, but Covid shut down the bar along with my son’s social life.  As a result, Mark became more isolated and was using heroin on a regular basis, alone.

We received calls periodically from one of Mark’s friends with updates on Mark’s well-being.  We were told he wasn’t socializing or making it to band practice. He was in bad shape. 

After many visits to Colorado, we confirmed our son desperately needed help. His life mostly consisted of doing drugs/selling drugs. Somehow, we convinced him to come home and get help.

I had been to several Smart Recovery meetings, which were helpful, but it was when I stumbled upon MAP: MOM’S FOR ALL PATHS TO RECOVERY my life started to change.

The advice that I received from Recovery Coaches, bad therapists, and poorly run meetings never sat well with me.  It was all about tough love, hitting rock bottom, and not helping my son.  

Thanks to MAP, I found my voice and learned the language of harm reduction.

With the help of other moms in the group, we got Mark on Medi-Cal, California’s version of Medicaid. We also found My MAT Clinic, another life changer.  The nurses do whatever it takes to get patients on sublocade and suboxone. They keep our kids alive.

When Mark first got home, we paid $5000 out of pocket for a detox. His roommate was jumping out of the window to get alcohol; others were bringing drugs in or hiding them in the bushes outside of the center. Eventually, they kicked him out but kept our money.  We tried an Intensive Outpatient Program and NA meetings. Much to our surprise, Mark was not attending treatment or the meetings, even though. I drove him to and from each session. He was not ready for change. This time we didn’t force any of our ideas on Mark.

I now knew, thanks to MAP, that the only person who can change a person is the person themselves. We let him use opioids in our house, where we knew he would be safe. We knew about harm reduction and that using less is better than using more.

Unfortunately, Mark could not bear to watch the pain in our eyes whenever he used, so he left our home in the middle of the night.

Soon thereafter, Mark went missing. He had stopped communicating with anyone.

Then we got a call from his friend saying that Mark had been contacting people stating he had been held up at gunpoint in Las Vegas, and he had been reaching out to people on the internet asking for money.

By this time, I had been enlightened because of MAP. Members helped me create missing-person flyers. The moms in the group gave me strength, while on the other hand, the police were giving me the runaround - they didn’t want to file a missing person report. Because of the support from the moms, I never stopped looking and fighting for my son. 

While Mark was missing from August until October 26, I drove from Los Angeles to Las Vegas almost every weekend looking for him.  Nothing was going to stop me. I had the strength of all my Warrior Women of MAP in my heart.  They told me where to look and what to do. I couldn’t bear to talk to my other friends. I felt they would not understand my determination and my  PTSD. I had to stay focused.

People, including the police, were telling us, “He’s just doing his thing,” but I knew my son was in danger. I didn’t listen to anyone except the other moms in MAP.

Finally, on October 24, we got a call from the police that they had spotted our son. They said Mark didn’t want to talk to us. (This was not true) I demanded to see pictures from the body cam. Staring back at me was my beautiful son, whose eyes showed signs of PTSD. The police would not tell me where they found him, but again because of Moms for All Paths, I knew I could do anything. I have rights; my son has rights. I was his voice.

My husband and I spent days outside the entrance to the long network of tunnels under Las Vegas, where many unhoused people live. We showed many people our flyer made by one of my warrior sisters, hoping that someone would recognize our son, and finally, someone did! He referred to my son as “Wheelchair Mark.” 

We later found out he had been badly beaten by people who held him up for drugs (hence the wheelchair), and then they held him, prisoner, attempting to get money from him by making him reach out to friends on the internet asking them to Venmo him money. 

One of the unhoused people went into the tunnels looking for Mark but couldn’t find him. He promised the next time he saw Mark, he would let him know that we were looking for him and to give us a call.

I hadn’t left Vegas yet, and the next day, my phone rang, and it was Mark! He said, “Mom, I know you were here.” I told him, “I’m still here. I didn’t leave.” We made a meeting place, and as I watched my beautiful son walking towards me, I wept.  It was like watching someone who had come out of the fire during 9/11. He clearly suffered a lot, and now he was ready to go home.  He was ready to make a lifestyle change.  I drove home nonstop as he slept the whole way home. 

By the time we got home, Mark’s head was burning up. A visit to the hospital confirmed he had COVID and sepsis. The doctors and nurses were disrespectful. I learned firsthand how the medical community treats people with SUD. I had to fight with the nurses, who were rude because they knew he was an opioid user. They threatened to call security and have me removed if I kept talking.  

After waiting for hours, I was told Mark was going to be transferred to another hospital. The one we were at only took his insurance for ER, not for admittance. I asked them to transfer Mark to a different hospital because I had found, thanks to two of my warrior sisters of MAP, a hospital that had a Bridge To Treatment program.  My warrior sisters cheered me on by phone during this awful experience. Unfortunately, the nurses refused, put Mark on a gurney, and off they went to the other hospital. 

All the moms of MAP were in my head, cheering me on and giving me strength. Eventually, I had him sign an AMA (Against Medical Advice) from the next hospital, where they were going to put him into a secluded wing because of Covid. I would not know if they were medicating him properly for withdrawal.  I was not leaving my son's side for a second.  I had just gotten him back, and he was suffering from trauma, so I took him home. 

This time with the help from MY MAT Clinic, Mark detoxed comfortably at home.

He lives with us now on MOUD. He is getting excellent therapy from a therapist at the Center for Motivation & Change, referred by Kathleen Cochran, the founder of MAP.

Mark is playing music and writing songs again. He’s also taken up painting. He takes walks with us, eats dinner, and then watches television with us every night. He’s getting his life back. He’s even taken a trip to Colorado to record music with his band. The trip was a success.

While Mark was still missing, I went to the Warrior Women’s retreat that Kathleen holds once a year for moms. I cried almost the entire time. It was a magical experience filled with learning, great food, and bonding.

As a parent, I took an Invitation to Change course while Mark went missing, facilitated by 3 moms in our group. Now I’m taking the course to become a facilitator. After all I have learned, I want to use my voice to give back.

My son recently said, “I wish you had been like this way back then.” I think he meant enlightened. I wish I had too.

I am grateful to the Warrior Women from MAP and to Kathleen. I hope any mom out there who is suffering and looking for evidence-based information will join our group. I use the word “our “intentionally because it is my group. I belong here.

It’s truly been my survival guide.

Kathleen also offers live Facebook events. There is a wide range of guests; people with lived experiences, authors, judges, psychologists, psychiatrists, harm reductionists, advocates, etc.

On Monday nights, Kathleen facilitates a Harm Reduction support group.  There are quite a few regulars, and we hope this meeting will grow so we can spread our knowledge which helps keep our loved ones alive.

I realize that while there is breath, there is life. I held out hope that Mark was alive, even though sometimes I convinced myself he wasn’t. I am one of the lucky ones. Some moms in our group have lost their loved ones due to SUD, or have loved ones who are missing, and some loved ones are living on the streets, not ready for change.

The importance of being a member of MAP is realizing that I am not alone. Everyone has a heartbreaking story. No one must hit rock bottom, recovery is possible, and Love Wins every time.

I am so grateful to the Warrior Women of MAP and to Kathleen. I hope any mom out there who is suffering and looking for evidence-based information will join the group.